C'est la vie : Elephant jokes!

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?

Because the white ones always get dirty.

Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?

To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.

How do you get an elephant up an oak tree?

Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.

How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?

Just wait till the leaves start to drop.

Why do ducks have flat feet?

For stamping out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

For stamping out flaming ducks.

Why do giraffes have long necks?

For spitting on burning elephants.

The following is probably my favorite joke in the whole world:

How are an elephant and a banana just alike?

They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?

Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill!
(Jane was color-blind.)

Why do elephants travel in herds?

Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.

Why do elephants walk on four feet?

Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.

Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?

So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
(Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?)

How do you get three elephants in a taxi?

One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.

How do you know there is an elephant in your house?

There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.

How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?

There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.

And what if you don't notice the taxi?

There are footprints in the butter.

How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?

Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.

How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?

Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.

How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?

Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.

Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?

Not enough refrigerators.

Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?

Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?

Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a green elephant?

Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a yellow elephant?

What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!

How to catch a white elephant: Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.

(Please note: NO ELEPHANTS WERE HARMED IN ANY WAY AT ALL IN MAKING THIS JOKE PAGE!)

How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?

Tie a knot in its tail.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

He was riding with the chicken.

Why did the elephant cross himself?

The chicken was a bad driver.

After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself?

To get to the Other Side.