One Liners

Thanks to amazing response to the elephant jokes, I think you'd all want some stuff you can use everyday, so that no one goes overboard with their good opinion about you!

Read on, and enjoy...

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra�

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing, 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."

9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

15. I went to the butcher the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't -- I've cut off your arms!"

17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Clarke Quay

 

C'est la vie : Elephant jokes!

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?

Because the white ones always get dirty.

Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?

To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.

How do you get an elephant up an oak tree?

Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.

How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?

Just wait till the leaves start to drop.

Why do ducks have flat feet?

For stamping out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

For stamping out flaming ducks.

Why do giraffes have long necks?

For spitting on burning elephants.

The following is probably my favorite joke in the whole world:

How are an elephant and a banana just alike?

They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?

Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill!
(Jane was color-blind.)

Why do elephants travel in herds?

Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.

Why do elephants walk on four feet?

Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.

Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?

So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
(Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?)

How do you get three elephants in a taxi?

One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.

How do you know there is an elephant in your house?

There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.

How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?

There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.

And what if you don't notice the taxi?

There are footprints in the butter.

How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?

Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.

How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?

Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.

How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?

Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.

Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?

Not enough refrigerators.

Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?

Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?

Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a green elephant?

Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a yellow elephant?

What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!

How to catch a white elephant: Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.

(Please note: NO ELEPHANTS WERE HARMED IN ANY WAY AT ALL IN MAKING THIS JOKE PAGE!)

How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?

Tie a knot in its tail.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

He was riding with the chicken.

Why did the elephant cross himself?

The chicken was a bad driver.

After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself?

To get to the Other Side.

La Reine de la Nuit

1998 Yamaha Virago XV125

The Queen of Darkness

Reaching for the heavens

 


I've noticed, each place has it own unique cloud patterns. Tequila Sunset posted sometime in the past is the cloud formation over Cochin. Scientifically speaking, clouds over any place is a direct measure of precipitation there, but I'd say it was a measure of how pleasant the place can be! :)

Chennai has the most beautiful bluest skies you can ever see. Mostly there is not a cloud on the horizon, making for some spectacular sunrises and sunsets.

Singapore has rain all through the year, so there's clouds around most of the time. But once in a while, you have great definition, making for a memorable scene.

If you spend all your time living your life, when do you have time to look to the heavens?

The University Hall, National University of Singapore

 

Where the heavens meet the earth...

 

Rahman creating...

 

Sivamani in action!

 

Rahman talks to us...

 

A R Rehman live in concert

 


To be able to hear is a God given gift, but to be able to hear A R Rehman at work, is just too good to be true! Was fortunate enough to hear the Master along with Chitra, Hariharan, Sadana Sargam, Sivamani, et al working their magic on stage. Will be posting a few pics a bit later...

Boooorrrriiiinnngggg

I'm here sitting in a class, bored to the bone! Man, going back to studies really sucks... :(

When the sun sets... 

Life in the fast lane... 

Cityscape 

Onam in Singapore! 

Almost there...

I'm leaving on Saturday, though I can't really tell you which flight I'm on yet. Pesky travel agent... :(

The sad part about the whole thing is that it still hasn't dawned on me that I'm leaving for good. The nostalgia and the wayward depression. I was hoping I could do all that on Indian soil itself.

Laid everything out to be packed yesterday. Have a zillion more things to do... Wish me luck, people...

Sarkar

Giving into a lot of hype, and after numerous STD calls to my posse out in Chennai, I went in to see Sarkar yesterday afternoon. Hope you read the part about the hype, cos that's basically all there is in the movie!

As the movie starts, in one among a series of silent visuals, Ram Gopal Varma writes that all directors since Godfather has been influenced at one time or the other, this is his tribute. Well, let's just say he blew his chance. I hope we aren't bothered by a second tribute by RGV.

Relying on his stock of rich background music and washed out visuals, and general goonda settings (replete with ugly guys running in dirty alleys) and a wonderful story line for inspiration, RGV has managed to screw it up, even though he had the Bachchan duo for backup.

If you ask me what's missing, then I think it's the Godfather's aura. The absolute power that Don Vito Corleone enjoyed. The absence of harsh words and raised voices. The action that speaks louder than words. The smooth nature of it all. The original gangster.

Don't waste your cash on the movie. Just read Godfather again.

The link is complete...

In a frenzied exit from my beloved Chennai, I thought I did a good job of packing, especially when I found out at the last moment that the car's registration certificate (RC) was lying around on the floor, in all the confusion.

Well, I thought wrong.

Those of who know me well also know that I'm a trigger happy camera freak. My fav possession would definitely be my Panasonic Lumix FZ 15 camera.



Yeah, isn't she a beauty? ;)

Anyways, in my hurry, I did *not* forget my camera, but forgot the connecting cables instead! So I ended up taking pics anyway, but no way of actually seeing them apart from the tiny preview screen.

As a saviour, my ex-roomie PA carried it down for me last weekend. So now the link is complete. The photos have been delivered.

Enjoy the nonsense... :)

Tequila Sunset